Being You

          Some people are super outgoing and have tons of friends, however there are others, like me, who are very quiet and find it hard to make friends at all much less a best friend. For me I'm the type of person who loves, not parties on the weekend, or gossiping about who is dating who, or getting mani/pedis with the girl friends. I love quiet libraries, books, and when I do talk I like to have long conversations about deep thought provoking subjects (usually concerning a book). I also like to do things exactly according to the rules, I prefer things to be extremely organized and planned. Spontaneity terrifies me and if for even just a moment I think there is a chance that doing something could have a negative result, I want nothing to do with it. I hate change and do my best to keep things running in a consistent pattern. These personality traits are not always seen as a good thing. and sometimes even make people feel uncomfortable around me. I've been called boring, shy, stuck up, "little miss perfect", "Party Pooper", anti-social, etc. I do not try to be these things and it makes me really sad that people see me this way. I want friends just like anyone else but because I am "Different" than the majority I seem to have to work harder. 

        In just a few more days I will be going back to school, and I’m not really sure what to call the emotion that is filling up inside of me concerning this fact. I’m excited to be starting my freshman year, I know that I’m beyond blessed to have made it this far and I thank God for allowing me to pursue this goal.  I’m also sad because summer is over and I’ll miss the non-stressful days of being able to come home and not think about the ever present load of homework. Then there is the anxiety that I know will plague me throughout the semester. Even though in my heart I know everything will be just fine and I have no doubt that God will help me to get the grades I need, my mind is not so confident. It’s a constant battle between the two.

I’m also nervous because I have promised myself that I will make an effort to be more involved, A.K.A. make friends and have fun with other students on campus. Or in the words of my brother, “Get a Life” lol. This sounds like a normal thing to do, not something that requires setting a goal and definitely not something that should terrify me, but it does. As previously mentioned, I’m a quiet-natured person and to be perfectly honest I just don’t like to talk. Sitting quietly in the library reading a book or coloring like a little kid is my idea of fun. In today’s world this isn't the most ideal personality to have when trying to make friends. And I’m quite worried about it. 

So here is my question. How does an introvert make friends with more than just other introverts? I've been told that I just need to relax and open up, but that’s just the thing.  Being myself means being quiet, reading a book, or just watching and listening to everything around me. When I do talk it’s usually about little kids and other “homey” type things that most nineteen-year olds couldn't care less about. Because that is who I am; what I’m interested in. More than once I've been told, by the few close friends that I do have, that when they first met me, my quiet reserved personality gave me the appearance of being stuck up and that I considered myself too good to hang out with them.This is not true at all. Finding this out has really bothered me because I don’t want people to think this but I’m really not sure how I managed to give people this impression in the first place so I’m even more lost when it comes to figuring out how to fix the problem. It’s a "cryable" situation indeed.

I think that over time I have allowed what other people think to influence how I see myself and as a result my confidence has fallen. I've been working on writing this article literally all day when I first started I was trying to think of ways that I could make myself seem more friendly, trying to figure out what I am doing wrong, and what I could change but now I realize. I don't need to change. And to all the other introverts out there struggling with loneliness let me just say. There is nothing wrong with you! Be confident in who you are. God created all of us in a unique way. we shouldn't feel uncomfortable being who we are. I've always admired extroverts because they seem to be more comfortable being themselves and as a result people like them better. However, I'm beginning to realize that the reason they have an easier time making friends is because they are comfortable with being themselves. and there is no reason why we as introverts shouldn't be also. Maybe if we can learn to appreciate ourselves and be happy with the way God created us instead of comparing ourselves to others then others will start to be more comfortable around us as well.